


i feel so scattered

by septiceyesweetheart



Category: Sonic the Hedgehog (2020), Sonic the Hedgehog - All Media Types
Genre: Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, I was sad and wrote this to help, Sad, basically all of my sad thoughts, except i picked myself up bc i didnt want anyone else to
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-11
Updated: 2020-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:27:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23109961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/septiceyesweetheart/pseuds/septiceyesweetheart
Summary: when everything is ok but youre still :(
Relationships: Sonic the Hedgehog & Maddie Wachowski, Sonic the Hedgehog & Tom Wachowski
Comments: 6
Kudos: 102





	i feel so scattered

sonic was only half sure he made some kind of noise as he woke up. his eyes were still heavy and full of sleep, but his body was ready to go. next thing he knew, he was running through the room as if something was coming after him. he hadn't felt such terror since he was a child.

jumped out the skylight. paused on the roof.

his heart was pounding, making him breathe hard and fast. his hand clutched his chest as he fell back into a sitting position. only then did he notice the sparking electricity coming from his body. he saw waves traveling down his arms, and it really didn't help the situation.

"okay, sonic, remember what maddie taught you," he whispered to himself. "lots of love in…" he sucked in a breathe and held it. "lots of love out…" he blew it out his mouth.

he looked up at the sky, as if the moon and stars could tell him why this was happening. sure, he's felt worse before, but he didn't feel good in this moment (or any moment lately) and it was seriously bothering him. there was no real reason for him to feel this… scattered. 

his mind got a little clear after some time, but his insides still felt gross. this feeling was settling deep in his chest and on his shoulders. lightning was bound to strike soon; he had to get out of here before it was too late. sonic got to his feet, leapt off the roof, and dashed into the chilly night.

running was a good way to make his insides feel less gross, but his body still lit up like a christmas tree. he just didn't know how to stop this. he had no idea why he was so down all the time. he hasld the best life now. he's had the best life ever since he arrived to earth.

coming to that realization made him slow down his steps. he was in the woods now, not far from his old cave. however, he was too preoccupied to go look for it.

all these years on earth were the best, right?

"this is the best life i could have asked for," he responded, placing his hands on either side of his head. "i found a good home on earth, and that was before i found friends. i have really cool stuff and i proved that i can live on my own! everything is fine! i'm still living my best life!"

there was still buzzing in his ears. and his quills. and his limbs. he literally just said he was fine, why was he still worked up?

"c'mon sonic! you're fine! you're okay! there's nothing wrong here! so stop being so sad!"

he forgot how to breathe the way maddie told him. why couldn't he control himself? why did he…  _ why? _

talking about what scared him during sleep paralysis seemed to help. when he told tom and maddie about everything, he felt better later on.

did he, though? he was still sad… or whatever this horrible feeling was. he should be happy now.

~

he didn't know how to go about it, and that was because the feeling wasn't as horrible the next morning. almost like it wasn't there to begin with. did sonic figure it out on his own last night?

"well, lightning didn't shoot out of you this time," he said to himself, standing on his bed. "so we're good! now nobody has to know! we can pretend like this didn't happen!"

"like what didn't happen?" asked a voice from the floor door.

tom's head had popped up, watching the hedgie expectantly.

sonic didn't say anything at first. how does one quickly explain a mental breakdown without looking like you're losing your mind?

"uh, breakfast," sonic finally said. "i'm hungry!"

and he zoomed down the steps past tom, heading straight for the kitchen.

"what did we say about running in the house?" he called after the boy.

"next time for sure!"

sonic sat himself at the dining table just as maddie was serving fresh pancakes. who could be sad about pancakes? who could be sad about a life like this? he had good food and good friends and a life in a great town. there's no room for sadness… or guilt about feeling sad.

this was too much for one handsome hedgehog, so he shook it off. he had plenty to do around town now that he could freely explore. why would anyone be sad about that?

_ stop thinking about sadness! _

he had a good day. nothing bad happened. no evil genius fell from the sky seeking revenge. no lightning came out of sonic's… anything. he saw a cow give birth on a farm. he even scored some cool comics from "the nerd store," as tom called it. then, tom and maddie let sonic pick the movie for movie night and they had pizza for dinner. it was a nice day… but it didn't feel like it.

it felt like… like sonic was just pretending to be as happy as those around him. he's never done that before. he's never seen a cow, much less a cow push out another cow. and all he wanted to do was just not be there. he didn't know where he wanted to be, he just didn't feel right anywhere lately. 

sonic woke up in the middle of the night again. and the night after that, and the night after  _ that.  _ his mind just wouldn't stop. why did these things happen at night?

_ i'm never gonna be okay again. _

this night wasn't one where his feet took the reigns. no, sonic just remained on his bed, knees to his chest. it couldn't have been that bad tonight, given that his body wasn't sparking. maybe it was because that thought was a little familiar. he was a kid, having just arrived to earth, terrified of what was to come. it scared him so much he couldn't breathe.

but sonic figured it out day by day. he found the best cave and the best things to go in it. he found green hills. he was fine then, and he's definitely fine now.

right?

~

on the weekend, sonic went in fully confident, approaching tom and maddie at the couch.

"something's wrong and i wanna talk about it."

he really couldn't hold it in anymore. the sleepless nights, the almost-lightning, and the cold chest aches were getting out of hand. it was all piled up in his throat, and it made his eyes water. it was just bursting to come out. talking seemed to help when it came to sleep paralysis, so it had to help now.

tom and maddie sat and listened, or… waited. it seemed to stay stuck in sonic's throat. 

"i…" he started, but then softened his voice, because saying it loud was all too much. "um… i don't feel happy all the time."

"how do you mean?" maddie asked, tilting her head.

sonic looked down, ears drooping. "i just don't feel happy."

then, tom spoke up. "well, that's normal bud. we can't all feel happy all the time."

"but… it's different." sonic's voice wavered. he moved to sit between them on the couch, and was met with maddie's hand slipping into his. the affectionate squeeze he felt prompted him to continue. "i've had the best life on this planet, even before i met you guys. i made the best out of everything. so… so why can't i shake this feeling?"

"what is that feeling?" maddie asked gently.

"that… that maybe the last ten years weren't as great as i thought they were."

how do two people go about this? do they reassure, despite not knowing the details?  _ yes, you made yourself a good life.  _ do they validate his sad feelings?  _ yeah, struggling to survive takes its toll. _

tom and maddie looked at each other. who's gonna tell him?

"it can be both," maddie gently said before the silence stretched too long.

"what?" sonic sniffed.

tom picked up from there. "you did make the best out of what you had. i mean, you survived this long, right? and it wasn't just physical survival, either. your optimism and curiosity helped you get to where you are."

"that being said," maddie continued, "you were forced out of your home at a really young age, and you had no choice but to fend for yourself. it is a lot for anyone to take on."

sonic nodded lightly, sniffling even more.

"you can be sad about the deal you've been handed," tom said, placing a hand on his back. "you can be angry, you can feel however you do. it's okay."

that was when tiny sobs began to fill the room. neither tom nor maddie said anything, having never seen the boy so down before. sure, they didn't know much about his life before them, but it obviously wasn't an easy life. it seemed that he never acknowledged that until recently, and it crashed down on him.

luckily, there were two pairs of helping hands there to pick him back up. 

"hey," tom said after a while. "sonic, look at me."

the hedgie wiped his nose with his hand and met the man's eyes. 

"you're not there anymore, and you never will be again. you hear me?"

he nodded. 

"do you hear me?" tom asked again.

"yes," sonic mumbled.

"we've got you," maddie reassured. "as long as we're here, you have a home with us."

that seemed to make sonic more teary eyed. "thank you. i just wish i could feel happy about that right now."

"it's okay, buddy." tom pulled him into his side. "take your time. you'll get through it just fine."

**Author's Note:**

> everything i wanted - billie eilish  
> listen before i go - billie eilish (i cant seem to not write anything based on her songs)


End file.
